之二：单身、恋爱、“荣耀”[5月14日交托主权的家庭]

交托主权的家庭｜之二：单身、恋爱、“荣耀”

5月14日

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朱志山牧师

经文: 太6:25-27, 10:38-39; 创2:18

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其实，这世界的爱情观念与故事多半是欺骗人的。无论是童话故事，电影看到的，社交媒体接触的，甚至是有些牧师在台上所讲的一些完美动人的恋爱见证与情节，都不断在挑动人心要追寻一种不存在的爱情体验，而当人的欲望如此被眺望时，他就会带有一种在现实中不得满足的爱情渴望。试想那些：一见钟情的故事、理想择偶条件的说法、得着如意郎君的见证、某人的配偶像是千依百顺的样子、等。这些在现实中有吗？好像是有。可能这些在某人身上曾经发生过，但事实上那不是整体爱情的体验。圣经一开始就将我们的罪性告诉我们，而这罪性在本质上是自我为中心的。我们都按自己的喜悦对某个异性作出我们的选择，从自己的本性领悟出爱他的理由。（例如：我爱他，因为他怎样的理解我、体恤我、给我某些安全感、等）。试想，这带有自我为中心的本性的男女结婚了，神在他们身上最美的旨意是什么呢？就是让他们在婚姻中认识如何死去自己，爱彼此如同自己，以至被带到圣洁中。唯有这样，那婚姻的幸福才会生发。所以，当世界谈到婚姻时，它说：“我们走进幸福吧！”圣经却告诉我们说：“我们走向成圣吧！ - 认识基督如何为妻子舍己，妻子也凡事顺服丈夫”。世界告诉一个单身的人说：有了配偶就能尝到被爱的滋味。圣经告诉我们有了配偶，我们就要开始认识如何给予爱。唯有我们被带到那无私的爱他人的生命，我们才能越来越幸福的。那么，当我们无私的爱我们的配偶，那并不是说我只学习爱我自己的配偶，更正确来说乃是在学习爱自己的配偶，为他舍己当中，我也同时认识怎么爱我周围的人。到最后，恋爱与婚姻是改变了我们的本性，以至将这自我的本性改为舍己的本性。所以，一个单身的人当要明白这样的事实来对自己是否要步入婚姻作出很好的考量，确实，我们想结婚没有错，但因为结不了婚而一直不能喜乐本是走向反方向了 –往自我满足的方向走去。其实，一个错误的婚姻观本是是爱情的坟墓。当一个单身的人带着一个错误的婚姻观要往着婚姻走去，他已经无法走到幸福了。在此，我们当谨慎不被旁边人的例子欺骗，他们婚姻里的自私和向彼此的要求是我们旁边的人看不到的。我们却是要相信圣经的话。荣耀与幸福不在于我们人性里的渴望得到成就。荣耀与幸福来自神的旨意在我们的生命得到成就。所以，在今天的主题里的“荣耀”并不是指我们最终步入婚姻而皆大欢喜，乃是我们认识了基督与教会之间的舍己之爱。确实，单身有它的难处（感到孤单或欠缺），恋爱有它的危险（许多未知数，甚至可能经历伤害或失望），但最终你决定步入婚姻或是留在单身都好，主要是你能够越来越像主，从不满或缺乏的心转为感恩的心，从只向往被爱转为能给予爱的性情。无论我们最终的结果是单身或是结婚，愿这样的荣耀能透过这短暂的嫁娶之事进入我们的生命。

Actually, most perspectives and stories about love in this world are deceptive. Be it fairy tales, movies, to what we engage through social media, or even certain perfect and touching testimonies of courtship etc preached by some pastors, they are always triggering people’s hearts to pursue a kind of non-existent love experience. When people’s desires are evoked this way, he will carry with him a longing about love that cannot be satisfied in reality. Try thinking of a few: love at first sight, the ideal spouse conditions, or the testimonies of having the apple of the eye, or having a fully submissive spouse etc, do they exist in reality? Maybe there are. Maybe these happened to some people before, but the truth is, it is not a holistic love experience. Right from the beginning, the Bible tells us about our sinfulness, and the nature of this sinfulness is self-centeredness. We choose the opposite sex according to our preferences, and from our personalities, we realize the reasons why do we love that person. (For example: I love him because he understands me well, care about me, give me sense of security etc). Try thinking, man and woman with such self-centered nature get married, what is God’s most beautiful perfect will for them? That is, God wants them to know how to die to themselves and love others as self through marriage, and be brought to holiness. Only through this can we experience bliss in the marriage. Hence, when the world talks about marriage, it says, “Lets enter into bliss!” In contrary, the Bible tells us, “Let’s walk towards holiness!” – To know how Christ sacrificed for His own bride, the bride also ought to submit to the husband in all things. The world tells a single, “you can taste what is means to be loved when you have a spouse.” But the Bible tells us, when we have spouse, we need to start knowing how to love. Only when we are brought to a stage of loving souls selflessly can we start to experience bliss increasingly. When we love our spouses selflessly, it is not implying that we only learn to love our own spouses; to put it more correctly, in learning to love our own spouses and sacrifice for them, simultaneously, we learn to love those around us. In the end, courtship and marriage change our nature, such that our nature can be transformed into one that sacrifice ourselves. Therefore, a single needs to understand this truths to weigh carefully if she wants to enter into marriage. Indeed, we want to get married, but if we fail to rejoice because we are still unmarried is walking in the opposite direction – the direction of self-satisfaction. Actually, a wrong perspective on marriage is inherently the grave of love. When a single brings a wrong marriage view towards marriage, he can never enter into bliss. Lets be careful and not deceived by the examples beside us, the selfishness in the marriage and how one demand from one another, are not something people around them can see. Instead, believe in the Word in Bible. Glory and bliss are not in achieved in the desires of humanity, rather, it comes from God’s will being fulfilled in our lives. Hence, the “glory” in today’s theme is not referring to us eventually stepping into marriage and thus all are happy, rather, it is knowing the selfless love between Christ and His church. Indeed, singlehood has its difficulties (loneliness or inadequacies), courtship has its threat (many uncertainties, possibilities of being hurt of disappointment), but whether we choose to remain in singlehood or enter into marriage, Lord desires us to grow in the image of the Lord; turn the heart of dissatisfaction into thanksgiving; from longing to be loved into a temperament that loves. Whether we are eventually single or married, may such glory enter into our lives through the transient marital matters.

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